Nine Ways To Celebrate Presidents Day

- Pardon a friend.

- Exacerbate an already tense political situation in a country with an ongoing civil war by sending in troops and crashing Black Hawk helicopters.

- Nominate your very best friend with little experience to an important position affecting millions of people in times of disaster.

- Feign sadness to friends as they tell you about their troubles on the assembly line (bite lower lip).

- Have speech writer prepare all responses for your daily conversations.

- Have lunch with the president of China. When he picks up a fork to finish his rice, demand that he use chopsticks.

- Give commencement address and receive honorary degree from university of choice...even if you couldn't get into that college in the first place.

- Eat at a restaurant, veto the bill.

- Paint a room in your house blue. When people ask to talk with you, tell them to wait in the blue room.