Nine Ways To Celebrate Presidents Day

- Pardon a friend.

- Exacerbate an already tense political situation in a country with an ongoing civil war by sending in troops and crashing Black Hawk helicopters.

- Nominate your very best friend with little experience to an important position affecting millions of people in times of disaster.

- Feign sadness to friends as they tell you about their troubles on the assembly line (bite lower lip).

- Have speech writer prepare all responses for your daily conversations.

- Have lunch with the president of China. When he picks up a fork to finish his rice, demand that he use chopsticks.

- Give commencement address and receive honorary degree from university of choice...even if you couldn't get into that college in the first place.

- Eat at a restaurant, veto the bill.

- Paint a room in your house blue. When people ask to talk with you, tell them to wait in the blue room.

Back In The Day

Avi the artist.


Avi the gardener.

Avi the relaxer.

I may paint butterflies but I can play ball too. Notice that Lev swung... yet the ball is still on the tee.

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Not A Fortune

I'm not usually one to argue but when it's a matter of my future, I take things a little more seriously. I eat chinese food. I started out eating chinese food not for the noodle soups or woked bok choy or heaping portions of ginger but becuase at the end of each meal you are promised a fortune. Gradually, I began to appreciate food and I started to eat chinese food not for the fortunes but for the orange glazed duck and for the whole steamed sea bass and for the dim sum. The fortunes came and went. Lately though, the fortunes haven't been fortunes at all. Let's take tonights cookie. "A wise man knows everything a shrewd one, everbody." Sure, that's great advice but it doesn't lie in the realm of fortune.

A fortune at the end of a good chinese meal is a plus but not a requisite...it's not that I even take fortunes from a cookie seriously...although I did at one point...for six years until I was 12 I kept a little sliver of paper in my back left pocket reading "You will be unusually successful in business." It never came true. And do I hold that against the cookie? No. What I do however hold against the cookie is its blatent misrepresentation to the world. Take some of these "fortunes" i've received in the past year.

- "The night life is for you." I recieved this fortune at a buffet somewhere in Ohio about a year an a half ago...I let this one slide. After this, they went downhill.

- "Whatever the mind of a man can conceive and believe, it can achieve." I don't think so

- "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst." Thanks

- "A kiss can beautiful souls, hearts, and thoughts." This doesn't even mean anything

- "You are sociable and entertainig." Flattery doesn't work buddy

- "You are talented in many ways." Still not working

- "Never bring unhappy feelings into your home." I wouldn't have to if this had been a fortune

- "Try a new system or different approach." I'm gonna let this slide too. It's not a fortune...but it's a little more specific in a general sort of way.

- "Diligence and modesty can raise your social status." I'm pretty sure this is just plain false

- "You need only to understand that it is not necessary ti understand but only enjoy." Ti?

- "It is time for you to explore all those new interests." That's a demanding cookie

- "The road to knowledge begins with the turn of the page." There was nothing on the back

To be fair, I did recieve some actual fortunes:

- "You simplify your life in many ways and find great rewards." Didn't happen, but at least it's a fortune

- "A golden egg of opportunity falls into your lap this month." Also didn't happen.

- "Your present plans are going to succeed." I have no plans.

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